Day 20: The Grief Spiral: Grief Waves 2.0 I continue to seek out improved and evolved language for a grief experience, as it can be so hard to find the right words for such an all-encompassing, ever-changing journey. Anyone else feel as though the grief waves also involve a spiral of of not-okness and ok-ness? #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #non

Day 19: 1.1.22: Grief Rendition And now I’m done talking about New Year’s. Here’s to not knowing what 2022 will bring and continuing to get out of bed (and sometimes even prepping the coffee the night before). #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #childgrief #selfcompassio

Day 18: New Year Day’s Reminders Holding in my heart that there is the full range of experiences happening on this day, especially for those who are grieving. #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #childgrief #selfcompassion #bereavedparents #bereavedfamilies #bereavedfamilie

Day 17: My 2022 Hopes For you and me and for each human out there, I do hope for these things. Deeply. #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #childgrief #selfcompassion #bereavedparents #bereavedfamilies #bereavedfamilies #bereavedmother #bereavedfather #bereavedparent #berea

Day 16: Wants versus Needs in Resolutions I haven’t written resolutions for years. I think it’s because it felt too hard, too sad. Amidst a pandemic. Amidst deep grief. Amidst survival mode. Amidst feeling like everyday was in and of itself a simple promise to myself to try my best, no matter what that looked like. This year, it felt good to ask myself what is it that I want and what is it that I actually need. In grief, future thinking can be hard. But knowing what yo

Day 15: Really? People. It’s been a lot. And still is. I hope for some rest or calm or peace or some kind of neutral feeling for you today. Even if only for a few seconds. #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #childgrief #selfcompassion #bereavedparents #bereavedfamilies #be

Day 14: Griever—a definition Grief is not one thing. Grievers are not having the exact same experiences. And yes, grief looks and feels and shows up in different ways for each of us. And yet there are some similarities that are worth naming. The awareness and understanding of life’s fragility as a griever is one of them. This instant awareness can show up in so many ways—as increased anxiety, as the feeling of “when is the next shoe going to drop,” or “who is going to

Day 13: The 26th Whew. Many of the holidays have passed. And it’s ok to feel the immense relief. Even if you didn’t celebrate or acknowledge them. And even if you pretended this season didn’t exist this year. Holding you in my heart. #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #

Day 12: The Holidays & Grief—what makes this a particularly tough combo? Holidays and Grief can feel like oil and water. They don’t seem to belong together. At all. However, the reasons they don’t belong together are not all the same. Here is my 5-Step Guide for navigating Holidays & Grief (see Day 54 for more): 1) Plan: The lead up to these days can often feel worse than the day itself. Making a plan for what you will do this day (who you will spend time with, how you

Day 12: Unexamined Loss Can Be Worse What makes this true? Why even be concerned about “examining” your grief when you are living the horror of it? Examining one’s grief is almost impossible at the beginning—because you can feel you ARE your grief, and completely blended with it. Grief can become your existence early on, and that is ok. However, the act of beginning to OBSERVE your grief IS a path towards the grief being able to evolve and shift and move. EXAMINING your

Day 11: I Hope This is True #ihopethisistrue There is a lot happening right now. For so many. Baal Shem Tov’s words are my offering of hope. Even if you cannot hold hope for yourself. I will hold it for you. #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #childgrief #selfcompassion #b

Day 10: A Predictor of the Grief Journey I have learned over the years that the most impactful influencer of what one’s grief journey/process/experience is based on our relationship with the person who died—and in the words of my profession—based on the nature of that attachment with that person. When a person dies, our grief focus tends to be on the event—meaning the death—the circumstances of it, the trauma of it, the suddenness of it or prolonged nature of it, and e

Day 9: Back to Basics on Harder Days I find myself returning each year around this time to pithy, direct and truthful statements about grief. The holidays and the darkness of winter are hard enough when your life hasn’t just imploded with loss, and then with that happening, sometimes the simple is all that one can take in. I do not believe that our love for our person or people dies when death happens. I believe that love is, among many other things, a biological pheno

Day 8: Let’s Redefine “Strength” in Grief The word “strong” in grief continues to get thrown around in unhelpful ways. Here is what I hope we can adopt when we speak about “strength” in grief… Strength in grief is braving the intensity of your feelings. Strength in grief is riding the immense ups and downs. Strength in grief is allowing the pain to exist. Strength in grief is acknowledging that you’re not sure about who you are, nor your future. Strength in grief is allowi

Day 7: In Grief (and sometimes in life), Explanations are Irrelevant Grief has taught me to notice when 1) I feel the need to explain myself and 2) when others feel the need to explain their behavior. Explanations often serve as a cover for defensiveness, a way for us to steer away from the impact of an action/behavior instead of a simple owning of how an action/behavior (regardless of intention) was hurtful. When we stand in our truth, there is no need to explain--even

Day 6: The True Waves of Grief = The Layered Waves of Grief This metaphor for grief—waves and oscillation from moments of ok-ness to times of utter depths—holds up for the most part in what I observe in myself and in my clients. The waves of grief are what separate it from depression and many other life experiences. Yet I believe that this metaphor needs a slight update. I propose for the waves to be called the layered waves of grief. In grief, anyone will tell you ther

Day 5: Grief can Bring Great Clarity I’ve had some people tell me that when they look back to the initial months of their grief, while they never wish themselves back to that place, they have an odd longing for some of the clarity it brought—an almost austere, harsh, distillation of knowing of what is important, what doesn’t work, and what is worth one’s time or not. Perhaps there is more freedom to say no. Or yes. Or whatever feels right in the moment. A permission th

Day 5: In Grief, Feeling More Raw When You Have More Capacity is a Thing One of the most maddening and disappointing aspects of grief is when you do all the things—get the sleep, eat well, move your body, take time to be still and quiet, etc--sometimes your grief can feel more raw, more searing, more accessible. Our system (meaning our mind/body/heart) is programmed to heal. We can see this with our eyes when we get a cut—the blood rushes to the spot, the wound aches to

Day 4: The Symbiotic Relationship of Grief and Trauma There are a myriad of opinions about whether grief and trauma are separate entities, or innately tied to one another. For me, the main questions are can trauma exist without grief? And, can grief exist without trauma? If we define trauma as a necessary adaptation in order for survival and grief as the necessary biological healing mechanism for something that is unfixable and irreversible in our lives, then I believe

Day 3: A Trauma Response I am nervous that the word “trauma” may be on a path towards dilution. This word is used more casually than ever. I hear increasing chatter about “Big T” traumas and “Little T” traumas and what kinds of trauma is actually “traumatic.” I find all of this talk troubling because it gives so much power to the EVENT and not to what is actually more relevant to someone’s overall well-being—the person’s RESPONSE to the event. I am proposing a new defi