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Permission to Not Explain


Day 7: In Grief (and sometimes in life), Explanations are Irrelevant


Grief has taught me to notice when 1) I feel the need to explain myself and 2) when others feel the need to explain their behavior.


Explanations often serve as a cover for defensiveness, a way for us to steer away from the impact of an action/behavior instead of a simple owning of how an action/behavior (regardless of intention) was hurtful.


When we stand in our truth, there is no need to explain--even when others do not, cannot and might not ever understand. Not giving an explanation IS NOT a matter of being disrespectful. Asking that others not take up your time to explain themselves IS NOT a matter of being disrespectful. This boundary is a matter of taking care of yourself, not taking on someone’s else’s stuff that isn’t yours, and knowing and trusting your truth and not needing to defend it.



Welcome to my second, 100-day project. I hope to provide a daily offering on something grief-related. I am a grief therapist and educator working with people in Oregon, Washington, DC, Maryland, and Maine. This feed is in honor of each person who has trusted me with their stories and wisdom during their grief journey. I hope that others may benefit from simple and straightforward talk about a topic that can be difficult.

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