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The Holidays & Grief



Day 12: The Holidays & Grief—what makes this a particularly tough combo?


Holidays and Grief can feel like oil and water. They don’t seem to belong together. At all. However, the reasons they don’t belong together are not all the same.


Here is my 5-Step Guide for navigating Holidays & Grief (see Day 54 for more):


1) Plan: The lead up to these days can often feel worse than the day itself. Making a plan for what you will do this day (who you will spend time with, how you will reserve time for yourself, where you will be, and how you will give yourself permission to change your plan) is hugely important. Write down the plan.


2) Embrace Boundaries: These are days to embrace what you need. Make sure to honor at least one of your needs, asking yourself, what do you need more of this day? What do you need less of this day?


3) Grace for Yourself: Listening to yourself and embracing your boundaries is a great first step. Lean into the grace for yourself this day. That might mean laying in bed for extra time, eating your favorite dessert, opting out of a gathering etc.


4) Do at least one thing to remember your person: This is often the hardest part, AND the one that most of my clients report being so glad that they did. This need not take all day, nor even hours. This could be a toast, going to your person’s favorite restaurant, watching their favorite show, looking at some pictures, sharing a story of them with a friend, or anything at all that moves you closer to the person.


5) Do something for another (with the major caveat of only if you have the energy). A small act of kindness or service towards another can sometimes ignite a sense of agency or control over our world, especially when it can feel so shattered.


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