"Mama, When Will We Die?" Talking to Kids About Death
- Katherine Hatch
- Nov 20, 2025
- 3 min read
Children's Grief Awareness Day: A Reflection on Real Conversations
Today is Children's Grief Awareness Day, and in honor of that, I'm sharing a previous post about my kiddo's first fish death.
We talk about death in our house. A lot.
Because it turns out, when you have a 5-year-old, death comes up more often than you might expect.
The Questions Keep Coming
Here are just a few questions I've gotten lately:
"Mama—do you know what I found yesterday? A leaf skeleton. Did you know that leaves die too? And they have skeletons?"
"Mama—when will our bunny die?"
"Mama—when will we die?"
"Mama—how did Rainbow the fish get dead?"
(Yes, Rainbow the fish. Our family's first pet death. A milestone I wasn't entirely prepared for, despite literally being a grief therapist.)
Kids Can Handle These Conversations
Here's what I've learned both professionally and personally: Kids are incredibly able to navigate these conversations if the adult involved can manage their own discomfort.
That's the key right there. It's not about having all the answers. It's about being willing to sit with the questions—and with our own discomfort around death—so our kids don't have to carry that discomfort alone.
What Kids Can Hold (That We Often Underestimate)
Children have an remarkable capacity to hold complexity. They can understand:
That some things are inexplicable
That some things might not have an answer
That some things might not have a why
That some things hold mystery
In fact, kids are often better at sitting with "I don't know" than adults are. They haven't yet learned to need everything tied up neatly with a bow.
It's OK to Not Know
One of the most important things we can model for children is that it's ok to not know as an adult.
"I don't know why Rainbow died."
"I don't know exactly when Bunny will die, but I know all living things do eventually."
"I don't know what happens after we die, but here's what I believe..."
"That's a really big question. I'm not sure of the answer."
These aren't failures of parenting or teaching. These are honest, grounded responses that help children learn that uncertainty is a normal part of life—and death.
Why We Need to Talk About Death
When we avoid talking about death with children, we don't protect them. We just teach them that death is too scary to talk about. And then when loss does happen (and it will), they're left without the language or permission to process it.
But when we talk about death naturally—when we point out the leaf skeletons, when we acknowledge that pets age, when we answer their questions honestly and age-appropriately—we give them something invaluable: the understanding that death is a natural part of life, and that it's safe to talk about the hard things.
Rainbow the Fish and Other First Losses
That first pet death? It's often a family's introduction to grief conversations. And while it might seem small compared to other losses, it's actually a profound opportunity.
It's a chance to:
Practice talking about death in a lower-stakes situation
Model healthy grieving (yes, we can be sad about a fish)
Create rituals around loss (maybe a burial, a drawing, a story)
Normalize that grief is a natural response to loss
For Parents Navigating This
If you're a parent wondering how to talk to your kids about death, here's my advice:
Follow their lead. Answer the questions they're actually asking—not the ones you're afraid they're asking.
Keep it simple. Young kids don't need lengthy explanations. They need clear, honest, age-appropriate information.
Use real words. "Died" is better than "passed away" or "lost" for young children. Clear language helps them understand what actually happened.
Allow all feelings. Sadness, curiosity, fear, even laughter—all of it is normal.
Check in with yourself. Your own comfort level with death will shape how you talk about it. That's worth examining.
On This Children's Grief Awareness Day
Today, I'm thinking about all the children navigating grief—whether from a death, a divorce, a move, or another significant loss. I'm thinking about the parents trying to support them while managing their own grief and uncertainty.
And I'm grateful for conversations about leaf skeletons and fish deaths and bunnies and all the other ways children remind us that death is part of life, and that talking about it doesn't make it scarier—it makes it more bearable.
If you're supporting a child through grief and need guidance, we're here. Our team includes therapists who specialize in working with children, teens, and families navigating loss.
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