Day 32: Rage & Anger & Grief Francis Weller’s words have helped reveal to me all the ways to be in relationship with rage and anger. I welcome rage into my sessions. Rage is unprocessed grief that needs to be seen and cared for. It needs space to exist, and then melt into the grief that it is. I welcome anger into my sessions and into my life. Anger is a relational process, revealing how our boundaries have been crossed, and is a way of telling our stories about what is

Day 31: Strong and Shattered--Anyone else encounter this type of interaction? Let me be clear—when we call those in grief “strong,” I know the intention is typically to offer support and comfort. AND, responding to those in grief can feel hard, and leave us without words and sitting with our own discomfort of witnessing deep pain. And we can get better at this. And it’s ok to not know what to say. And to name that. Grievers will feel your attempt to be present with their

Day 30: These Words I have been sitting with Resmaa Menakem’s words. A lot. Please explore his work, Somatic Abolitionism, if you have yet to encounter it. #somaticabolitionism #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #childgrief #selfcompassion #bereavedparents #bereavedfamilie

Day 29: I cannot imagine… When people say “I cannot imagine,” they are actually imagining. They are actually going there—tapping into the innate human empathy center that allows each one of us to connect to another’s pain. And then, most people notice how painful that is to do and stop themselves from going further. And that’s ok. And that’s human too. However, it’s gotten all too normalized to stop ourselves, to not sit longer in witnessing someone’s deep pain. It’s b

Day 28: Grief awaits the village One thing I say a lot is that I don’t think I would have a job if our western culture hadn’t lost connection to our innate human ability to be with grief. I believe we are all born with the capacity to sit with others in pain, witness what is irreversible, and companion our fellow humans in the worst moments of their life. I believe that we came from ancient people and cultures that had this figured out—that grief needs community, and t

Day 27: And then… …there are those days that you can look up, and notice something you haven’t seen, ever, or in a new light, or paradoxically, because of the very presence of the grief in your life. I looked up today. The sun is out here and that’s big amidst a pacific northwest winter. I squinted as I got out of my car and I really looked this time at the mural on the side of the building where we live. Despite my daughter calling our home the flower house for almost

Day 26: Just some thought meanderings… I believe there is both truth and myth to the adage that “you will forever be changed” by your grief. What I experience is that it is both—forever changed and ever more myself. (With the major caveat that one is actually acknowledging and tending to their grief). Grief is full of irony. #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #i

Day 25: Sorrow and Yearning: They are Different We ache for words to fit our experiences. And we also ache for our experiences to be understood in simple terms, especially when our capacity is already so limited. And yet our language has still not evolved enough to simply encapsulate grief in a matter of a few words. Rather, it takes paragraphs, imagery, metaphors, novels, memoirs, and poetry anthologies to even begin to touch this ache for our grief to be seen and wit

Day 24: Grief is full of Irony Grief is full of irony… · Feeling shattered and alive at the same time · The massive downs paired with the odd moments of ok-ness (or neutrality) · The pain that you want to feel and hold onto · The wanting to be around people and not at the same time · The wanting to never feel the pain while also worrying what it means to not · The wanting to talk about it and not all at the same time · The wanting for it to be acknowledged and seen som

Day 23: Breaking Down in Grief Pearls of grief wisdom are sometimes in the oddest places—the grocery check-out person, the stranger on the sidewalk, a song in a youtube ad, and for me as of late, during some workout chatter (thanks, @robinnyc ). Breaking down in grief is a way through. Letting yourself feel the parts of you that are now shattered in this and allowing for the acknowledgement of the implosion of one’s life is the first step to allowing the grief to move

Day 22: Sometimes Grief Needs Quiet Grief often needs extra quiet, space, time alone, and time away. Yet giving grief this early on is almost impossible. Offering grief space and quiet and time alone can be scary. Yet, when this is provided to grief, I often notice there is great relief. The shoulders go down, the breath returns, the mind races a little less, the sleep improves. It’s ok if you’re at the place where it feels impossible to give this to your grief. And it’s

Day 21: This Quote… I’ve been chewing on this golden nugget of wisdom from Kahlil Gibran for some time. I find it lovely, and true, and hard to accept. Here are my questions with my very initial thoughts… What does it mean to bear pain? (I think it depends on the person) Is grief what allows us to bear it? (I think so) What does it mean to feel beyond your pain? (Perhaps this is contained in that moment when you can access the potential that your grief doesn’t define you

Day 20: The Grief Spiral: Grief Waves 2.0 I continue to seek out improved and evolved language for a grief experience, as it can be so hard to find the right words for such an all-encompassing, ever-changing journey. Anyone else feel as though the grief waves also involve a spiral of of not-okness and ok-ness? #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #non

Day 19: 1.1.22: Grief Rendition And now I’m done talking about New Year’s. Here’s to not knowing what 2022 will bring and continuing to get out of bed (and sometimes even prepping the coffee the night before). #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #childgrief #selfcompassio

Day 18: New Year Day’s Reminders Holding in my heart that there is the full range of experiences happening on this day, especially for those who are grieving. #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #childgrief #selfcompassion #bereavedparents #bereavedfamilies #bereavedfamilie

Day 17: My 2022 Hopes For you and me and for each human out there, I do hope for these things. Deeply. #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #childgrief #selfcompassion #bereavedparents #bereavedfamilies #bereavedfamilies #bereavedmother #bereavedfather #bereavedparent #berea

Day 16: Wants versus Needs in Resolutions I haven’t written resolutions for years. I think it’s because it felt too hard, too sad. Amidst a pandemic. Amidst deep grief. Amidst survival mode. Amidst feeling like everyday was in and of itself a simple promise to myself to try my best, no matter what that looked like. This year, it felt good to ask myself what is it that I want and what is it that I actually need. In grief, future thinking can be hard. But knowing what yo

Day 15: Really? People. It’s been a lot. And still is. I hope for some rest or calm or peace or some kind of neutral feeling for you today. Even if only for a few seconds. #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #childgrief #selfcompassion #bereavedparents #bereavedfamilies #be

Day 14: Griever—a definition Grief is not one thing. Grievers are not having the exact same experiences. And yes, grief looks and feels and shows up in different ways for each of us. And yet there are some similarities that are worth naming. The awareness and understanding of life’s fragility as a griever is one of them. This instant awareness can show up in so many ways—as increased anxiety, as the feeling of “when is the next shoe going to drop,” or “who is going to

Day 13: The 26th Whew. Many of the holidays have passed. And it’s ok to feel the immense relief. Even if you didn’t celebrate or acknowledge them. And even if you pretended this season didn’t exist this year. Holding you in my heart. #grief #bereavement #grieftherapy #griefcounseling #groundedgrief #acutegrief #traumaticgrief #disenfranchisedgrief #miscarriage #suicide #homicide #infertility #nondeathloss #divorce #petloss #complicatedgrief #griefeducation #ambiguousloss #