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Growth in Grief


In grief, we are growing in two [seemingly] opposite directions. One growth direction is towards accessing our own strength and power and truth. This is the one that society recognizes as “healing.”


The other way we are growing is towards our capacity to access and tolerate our own pain. This direction doesn’t usually feel like growth or healing; it is hard and messy, less sexy, less spoken about, and might even be mistaken for regressing or moving backwards. However, it is just as important, valuable and rich.


Our capacity to tolerate our own pain is directly connected to our capacity to experience gratitude and joy. Feeling the expanse of our grief experience breaks us open to an ever-expanding ability to live in the fullness of life.


My hope is that growth in grief can also be seen for what it is—growing in your access to your deep pain. And the ability to sit in this pain and feel it, as brutal as that can be, is a sign of healing.



Welcome to my 100-day project. I aim to provide a daily offering on something grief-related for 100 days. I am a grief therapist and educator. This feed is in honor of each person who has trusted me with their stories and wisdom during their grief journey. I hope that others may benefit from simple and straightforward talk about a topic that can be difficult.

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