What If Grief Is Simply Evidence That We Loved?
Updated: 7 hours ago
Insights from Alyssa Rose on the Breaking Patterns Podcast
When we think of grief, we often think of an endpoint—a loss we are supposed to "get over" so we can return to our normal lives. But what happens when we shift that perspective? What if, instead of something to outrun, grief is actually a profound reflection of our capacity to love?
Our very own Alyssa Rose—a grief tender, ritualist, and trauma-informed somatic practitioner—recently sat down with host Skye Nicholson on the Breaking Patterns podcast for a beautiful, raw conversation titled "We Have Forgotten How to Grieve (And It's Costing Us)." Throughout the episode, Alyssa shared her deep wisdom on why avoiding grief makes our lives smaller, and how turning toward it can actually unlock our vitality.
If you haven't listened to the full episode yet, we highly recommend it. Here are three of our favorite takeaways from their conversation:
1. We Don't Grieve What We Don't Love
In the West, there is a tremendous amount of pressure to grieve privately and quickly so as not to be a "burden" to others. But as Alyssa points out, grief and love are inextricably linked. We do not grieve the things we do not care about. When we suppress our grief, we also inadvertently numb our capacity for joy, passion, and connection. By giving ourselves permission to feel the sorrow, we keep our hearts open to the beauty of life.
2. Burnout is Often Untended Grief
One of the most profound moments in the episode is the realization that many of us are carrying "untended grief" without even knowing it. We don't just grieve when someone dies. We grieve the end of relationships, changing bodies, lost dreams, and the past identities we've had to release. When we don't acknowledge these life transitions, that untended sorrow can disguise itself as isolation, anxiety, and deep burnout.
3. Healing Requires a Safe Culture and Somatic Release
Historically, grief was something held by the community. When a loss occurred, the village showed up. Today, we are largely expected to create our own spaces to grieve while simultaneously trying to process the loss—an exhausting double duty. Alyssa emphasizes how crucial it is to be witnessed. Healing happens when we can bring our messy, untended grief into a supportive, shared environment. Furthermore, utilizing somatic practices like poetry, drumming, or time in nature gives those heavy emotions a physical place to go when the mind alone cannot process them.
Ready to Explore Your Own Untended Grief?
If Alyssa’s insights resonated with you, you don't have to navigate those feelings alone. Whether you are seeking dedicated individual support or a shared community space, there are currently several ways to work with Alyssa through Grounded Grief and experience her profound approach to healing:
1-on-1 Support (Virtual Nationwide & In-Person in Portland, Oregon): Sometimes, the complexities of our grief require dedicated, individualized attention. Because Alyssa’s specialized practice operates outside traditional state-bound licensing, she is able to see clients virtually across all 50 states. You don't need to live in a specific zip code to get the specialized support you deserve. Alyssa is also available for in-person support for those in the Portland, Oregon area.
Join The Continuum: If you are seeking a shared, virtual environment to process life's transitions alongside others, Alyssa is currently facilitating our Ember Live circles and integration hours. This is a beautiful way to be witnessed and supported by a community from the comfort of your own home. Continuum members also receive a 25% discount on Grounded Grief Walks.
Grounded Grief Walks PDX: “Our grief needs to move. And it sometimes needs companionship.” If you are in the Portland area, join Alyssa and Katherine Hatch for weekly outdoor grief walks along the Lower Saltzman Trail in Forest Park. These walks directly integrate the somatic and nature-based grounding Alyssa discussed on the podcast, offering a safe culture for communal sharing with absolutely no requirement to talk.
Held Holders (A Space for Helping Professionals): A dedicated grief ritual space specifically designed to support therapists, counselors, and helping professionals who carry the heavy weight of others' pain alongside their own untended grief.
About Skye Nicholson & The Breaking Patterns Podcast
What if some of the things we’ve accepted as “normal” are actually keeping us stuck?
Breaking Patterns is about noticing the patterns that shape our lives—and getting curious about what might be possible instead. Join wellness educator and writer Skye Nicholson for candid conversations exploring wellbeing, creativity, nervous system health, grief, spirituality, identity, work, and the wonderfully messy experience of being human. Get curious. Notice the pattern. Imagine what else is possible.
Listen to Alyssa's full episode: "We Have Forgotten How to Grieve: Ritual, Resilience & The Grief We Carry"
Watch on YouTube: We Have Forgotten How to Grieve (And It’s Costing Us) | with Alyssa Rose
Explore more episodes: Breaking Patterns Podcast
Follow on Instagram: @wellbeingworkshops.co and @breaking_patterns_podcast
Watch or Listen to the Episode
If you have ever felt like you are carrying a weight you can't quite name, or if you are looking for permission to let humor and sorrow coexist, this conversation is for you.
Listen to Episode 365 on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or watch on YouTube.
Listen on The Breaking Patterns website.
Connect with Alyssa
Alyssa at Grounded Grief
Instagram: @alyssarosehealing
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