Day 74: The Fear of the Pain Not Feeling as Painful
Many times, I hear about a fear that most people aren’t speaking about out loud. This fear has to do with feeling better or even different in the future, or not being able to access the deep pain that has been with them from the early part of their grief journey.
This fear makes sense to me because this pain and suffering of our grief towards the beginning IS the immediate connection to the person, to the memories, to the loss. It can feel like in losing this pain, we might lose our person all over again.
What I assure my clients is that I will be with them in protecting this connection, this pain, this grief. Yes. It will likely feel different as time goes on, yet in continuing to move towards the relationship with the person, the memories, and ways to honor this love, the pain doesn’t actually cease to exist—it grows into a more complex emotion that is not exactly nostalgia, not exactly missing, not exactly bittersweetness—something that feels like you want to keep it forever in you because it’s that important to who you have become and to the person you will always hold close.
Welcome to my 100-day project. I hope to provide a daily offering on something grief-related. I am a grief therapist and educator working with people in Oregon, Washington, DC, Maryland, and Maine. This feed is in honor of each person who has trusted me with their stories and wisdom during their grief journey. I hope that others may benefit from simple and straightforward talk about a topic that can be difficult.