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Grief Mystery

Day 56: Grief Mystery

I still find grief mysterious. One mystery I think about all the time is how grief can shatter us, and despite that, we retain some ability to function. One client of mine put it best—"grief is maddening. Why is it that I can still do a few things? I feel as though it should have already killed me.”

It wasn’t until I was immersed in grief work that I became in awe of parts of humanity. Sure. Definitely not all the time. We can have awful and violent and terrible parts of us. And yet what I see everyday in my work is people surviving. And whether they name it as such or not, they are channeling some part/essence/some nameless biological phenomenon that somehow wants to still be here (yep—tenuous as that can be in acute grief). And these are people who are surviving the worst things. Their nightmares. And still somehow getting up.

Early on, most grievers will prickle when they hear any type of awe towards their experience—“well, of course, I have no freakin choice.” And yes. In some ways that is true. And in other ways, there is a choice. There is a choice to not engage in life at all. To not be here. To not get out of bed.

“Living” will look different in grief. And yet, give yourself credit for whatever form that might take. It’s a big deal.

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