Day 54: How Does a Therapist Grieve #6?
Facing the truth that the grief will not go away.
Saying that the grief “won’t go away” can be frightening. Yet, I’ve found for so many grievers, this phrase is also relieving.
But why?
We are pressured so often to “be ok” when we’re really not, to be “moved on,” when there is no such thing, to “let go” when the context of our lives does not allow that, and for our grief to “subside” when what does that even mean in grief?
Being allowed to have your grief, and feeling seen and valid to be down in the depths of it, is ironically, one of the best things that will allow for healing to happen.
After my father’s death, I find myself relieved AND protective of my grief. It is a deep ache in my belly, yet I envision it as a boulder—a big beautiful one—nestled in the woods of my current life. Some days it feels particularly heavy, and on others, I feel the tree of my life growing around it—the roots encompassing it, the moss and lichen blanketing it, giving it color. The roots do not fight the boulder—they have to move around and to the side—not the path of growth I wanted, but the one I’m living now. A tree’s lifeforce depends on adaptation to the environment, as do I. To live within my own life is to grow roots around this boulder, and not to pretend it doesn’t exist.
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Welcome to my second, 100-day project. I hope to provide a daily offering on something grief-related. I am a grief therapist and educator working with people in Oregon, Washington, DC, Maryland, and Maine. This feed is in honor of each person who has trusted me with their stories and wisdom during their grief journey. I hope that others may benefit from simple and straightforward talk about a topic that can be difficult.