The Missing Keeps Happening
Day 61: The Missing Keeps Happening
Before experiencing acute grief, it’s hard to conceptualize the level of missing that grievers live with. Let me try to break it down: when a person you love dies, they continue to stay dead--every. single. day. My clients warned me of this. And now I know what this actually means.
The missing doesn’t go away. In fact, it is cumulative. It adds up. It’s a lot of days that keep happening to miss someone AND it’s a lot of days to ponder how you’re going to navigate the future without them, carrying all of this missing.
All I know is that somehow, somewhere along the way, all of this missing needs to become something, be channeled somewhere, and not just live in our bodies to become despair or hopelessness or even worse, apathy.
For me, right now, my missing lives in my chest and in my face. I let it rise up into tears, and then flow through my body until I’m tired enough to sleep. I welcome it because I know it’s what I have right now of my connection to my dad. It’s not what I want, but I’ll take it. For now. Until it can become something else.
Welcome to my second, 100-day project. I hope to provide a daily offering on something grief-related. I am a grief therapist and educator working with people in Oregon, Washington, DC, Maryland, and Maine. This feed is in honor of each person who has trusted me with their stories and wisdom during their grief journey. I hope that others may benefit from simple and straightforward talk about a topic that can be difficult.