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Meaning & Sense & Grief


Day 67: A Hard Truth in Grief


Finding meaning in the how or the when or even the fact that someone died is something our brains are wired to do, to try to figure out, to ruminate on, especially in the first days, weeks, months, and even years after our loss. I am going to make a potentially controversial statement—I believe that our brains are trying to make sense of an event that actually has little sense and little meaning, if any.


We desperately want reasons for why our people die. Why terrible things happen. And our brains and hearts try to pour over every detail trying to find one. This places us in what I call “sitting with the why.” And early on, rumination in this space can become tortuous.


With clients, I am honest about my take on this. What I have to offer up comes from the wisdom of so many I have been with in their grief—they have taught me that there is sense and meaning to be had. It is just not in the death. The meaning and sense come from the relationship—it is in the how we loved, how we were loved, and how we continue to love, even when our person dies.


When you find yourself ruminating on the why or the how, look towards the relationship, the love. This will not take away the pain, however it may ease the suffering.



Welcome to my #100dayproject. I am providing a daily offering on #grief, in honor of each person who has trusted me with their story and wisdom during their #griefjourney. I hope that others may benefit from simple and straightforward talk about a topic that can be difficult. Thanks for following and/or sharing.

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