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Grief is Not the Problem


Day 59: Grief is Not the Problem


When I have my initial calls with folks looking for grief support, I try to be very clear about my understanding of grief. I don’t believe grief is a mental health disorder. I don’t believe grief is an experience to be fixed. I DO believe grief is a human endeavor that we will all go through, and that each of us is born with the ability to navigate it.


I DO believe that in and of itself, grief is never the actual problem. Instead, the main struggles in a grief experience are born out of everything else that might block the grief from moving through us. Common blockages include self-judgements, judgements from others, societal expectations for how we should behave within our grief, shame, guilt, regret, and even an unconscious drive to be enmeshed with our suffering as a way of staying connected to the person or people who died.


Therefore, I am always on the lookout for what is blocking the grief, in order to clear the space for the grief to exist, and for my clients to have the experience of the grief as an expression of love—a form of connection to their person. Because the purity of grief—the pain of missing and the access to memories—is actually the salve that allows our grief to evolve into something manageable and become part of who we are—and not all of us.



Welcome to my #100dayproject. I am providing a daily offering on #grief, in honor of each person who has trusted me with their story and wisdom during their #griefjourney. I hope that others may benefit from simple and straightforward talk about a topic that can be difficult. Thanks for following and/or sharing.

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