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Grief is a Learning Process


Day 94: Grief is a Learning Process


Grief is many things. And yet what I see so often is how much learning is involved. And let’s be clear—learning, especially in adulthood, is no small task.


First, there is the learning of what happened. Meaning learning that this actually occurred. That can be brutally difficult, especially for our hearts, which don’t accept unwanted factual change quickly, nor without a fight.


Then, there is the learning that this is your life—meaning that you will continue to live with what happened for the rest of the time you are here. That is not possible to fully take in at the beginning of a grief process, so it usually comes months or even years later.


AND, these enormous doses of life learning do not happen in a vacuum. You are at the same time, still living a daily life during which you are learning to live an entirely new existence. And sometimes this is not what people think. Learning a new version of your life can look like learning how to navigate the finances, or cook, or use a drill, or begin to imagine something new for your future. Sometimes it means certain relationships no longer fit, or you allow your social interactions to be rusty. Sometimes it means you care so very little about so much more, and care so much more about things you never thought you would think about.


The point is that grief can be a deluge of exhausting, all-consuming, not-what-you-signed-up-for learnings. So be kind. And patient. And go slow.


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