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#4: Allowing for Not Knowing and Mind Changing


Day 52: How Does a Therapist Grieve #4? Allowing For Not Knowing and Mind Changing


My ability and willingness (and even relief) to say “I have no idea,” no matter what that not knowing is about, has been a learning I’ve embraced since the beginning of the pandemic.


Not knowing and saying it out loud is in my experience, a shift from a feeling of helplessness to an experience of powerlessness. I choose powerlessness any day, which I experience as a full embrace of what we cannot control.


My experience of grief is a continued course in powerlessness. I do not know much at all. And therefore, I might need to change my mind, a lot, in the face of my grief. And I give myself a ton of grace to do that, to have different needs than others around me, to change up plans and not have to explain, to trust that the relationships I have can withstand this, and to accept the patience and grace from others for my not knowing, and my changing of my mind.



Welcome to my second, 100-day project. I hope to provide a daily offering on something grief-related. I am a grief therapist and educator working with people in Oregon, Washington, DC, Maryland, and Maine. This feed is in honor of each person who has trusted me with their stories and wisdom during their grief journey. I hope that others may benefit from simple and straightforward talk about a topic that can be difficult.

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